Susie Cupcakes

The wrath of God is starting to get tiresome.

I'm not even sure what's happening to the sun on Thursday. Some kind of reddish hellfire smoldering, it appears.

This summer has been pretty gross, weather-wise and me-wise. Sure, I'm not doing some of the unpleasant jobs I did during previous summers, such as

• gardener at country club, where all the moms and their nannys and kids stared at me from the fenced in pool with looks of scorn. Never has my collar been so blue. Nor have my arms ever been so muscular. Although the severely (read: burnt umber) noticeable farmer's tan diminished the effect.
• waitress at The Barnstormer, the only restaurant at Hector International Airport in Fargo. I had to wear a turquoise, purple, and pink polo shirt. Repeat: a turquoise, purple, and pink polo shirt. If I never hokey up Zesta crumbs again it'll be too soon.
• receptionist at meat packing plant. Granted, this job only lasted 4 days; or rather, I only lasted 4 days in this job. I had to answer a 36-line phone and everyone had a different way they wanted the call transferred: page them, transfer the call and wait for response, transfer the call and put it in their queue, transfer the call to their secretary, take a written message, transfer to voice mail, or best of all, a combination. People would angrily yell at each other in the hall, or yell at me if I transferred a call to the wrong person. I ate lunch in my car. The worst part were these cutesy paintings of cows in the lobby. AT A MEATPACKING PLANT. I weep.

So currently, of course, my job is fabulous, especially compared to the ones I've just mentioned. But still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm always behind on things, about to fail at one thing or another. I have grudgingly ordered a refill for my Franklin planner, because although I hate the fussiness of the planners and Stephen Covey is an absolute loon, the anal list making and goal setting encouraged by the planner is what I need right now.

My other problem is that the scale says I gained about 7 pounds in a week. Is this possible? I think I've been eating okay, and my clothes don't feel tight, but I have weighed myself multiple times and it always comes out the same. Alex tried feeding me some line about "springs" and "KMart scale" or somesuch, but I know it's not that. Can people have, like . . . a reverse tape worm? That instead of stealing your nutrition actually accelerates it, or maximizes calories or something? If so, then that's what I have. According to my calculations, I'll be twice my current weight by December.

I weep.