Monday, April 24, 2006
I came back yesterday, NO THANKS to Northwest Airlines which again proved itself as the most antagonistic of airlines, ever, in the history of airlines which have direct flights between Minneapolis and anywhere. I am not sure if NWA is aware that its customers are not, in fact, enemies of their organization, and that they also do not need to reserve an ENTIRE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT for imaginary, invisible first class passengers. Also, they do not need to stop me from putting my bag in the (apparently holy, ritually empty) first class overhead compartment by saying in an agitated tone, "Excuse me, I assume you're sitting here?" with the worst bitchface ever. Never assume, my friend. I cannot tell you how annoying it was to hear the clinking of first class china and silverware during the flight. It reminded me of that Seinfeld where Elaine has to sit in coach and Jerry is in first class and he gets sundaes and slippers and Elaine tries to sneak in and is brutally rebuffed. A classless society! Ha!
And then today I went to a conference in Worcester, MA and got hideously lost and kept driving around what looked like old mills or horror movie sets and I could see the college that I was trying to reach, up on a hill, but could not actually discover any entrance to this (literal) ivory tower. I spent 45 (that's FORTY FIVE) minutes driving around the surely charming Worcester trying to find a college that according to the Google Maps instructions was 245 feet from the exit.
But I didn't cry. And I will my stoic behavior as a victory! And we must take our victories where we can.
And soon I will have knitting updates. Promise.
Monday, April 17, 2006
1. It was at her alma mater.
2. She looked exactly like Kim. So much so that I was idly wondering if Kim had a little sister who goes to the school before further evidence (items 4 and 5) made me think it was really her.
3. She was wearing a Where's Waldo? esque outfit.
4. Her friend called her "Kim."
5. (This one's the clincher.) She warned her friend not to buy carrots, saying she couldn't eat them because they were "carbolicious." I might add that she weighed about 102 pounds.
She looked much tinier and prettier than on TV--although she was pretty cute on TV too. I totally wish I had asked her questions! What's Tyra really like? What's Tyra's weave really like? Is Jay Manuel that orange in person? Did you really sleep with that one girl? Also, did you sleep with anyone else on the show? Did Lisa really pee in that diaper? And most importantly, Janice Dickinson: awesome or super-awesome?
This ranks as my second greatest celebrity sighting, falling behind only the Prince/Gwen Stefani/Gavin Rossdale incident of 2000. It is definitely better than the time my family thought we saw Dom DeLuise driving on the interstate during a family vacation.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Did you all know about the baby bottle candy toy that you suck, and then take the nipple part off and dip it in the sprinkles inside the bottle? It is quite literally one of the most foul displays of human behavior I have ever seen, and I have watched Pink Flamingos. All the way through. I would have provided a link but I know there is no way to google the key words related to this product without finding something utterly unsavory, so use your noggins!
And did you know that if you buy a box of Frosted Flakes, you can get a "Footy Buddy"? I had to confirm this name on the Frosted Flakes website, but 'tis true. Be sure to check out the "Tigers" song (main theme: "We are tigers, mighty mighty tigers." Rawr.). I think a "Footy Buddy" is identical to a hacky sack, but it has a flag, and therefore gets nation-state points. Advantage: Footy Buddy.
And best of all, did you know there is a company called "Girl Tech"? Ladies, I think our problems are solved. I got really excited when I saw their Password Journal, which only opens with a special secret word that only you and your Password Journal share. This is a definite advantage over my top secret journal of 4th grade, which was a three subject notebook with a long strand of yarn tied to the spiral binding. Only I knew the special way I wrapped the yarn around the notebook so NOBODY could see my opinions on the human condition. Even then I loved yarn! But had I the Password Journal, I would have been assured of ultimate privacy.
Oh yeah, and I love the product which the website modestly describes as "Friendship Chips," but are clearly described by the extra yucky name "Girl Chips" in the commercial. It's like passing notes, except you write them on a little machine and then pass the Girl Chip discs to your friends. Seems...complicated. But kids today! They're so smart.
However, the very best product wasn't even advertised: the Password Journal Jam 'n Shred Pen. You guys: it freaking shreds paper. The pen shreds paper! The paper can't be much bigger than a post-it but still! Records management in action!
Some little future corporate archivist is very happy right now.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
What do we want? PEACE! When do we want it? NOW!
I immediately thought, Awwwww, a protest! Yay! People had cardboard signs and there were kids on scooters and everything. I must say, any refrain that starts "What do we want?" tugs on the heartstrings, as I was steamed in the hot wok of protest during my four years at Krunchy Kids Kollege. Now, whenever I return for a visit, I can lovingly remember the Whole Foods we protested, the Target buiding we protested, the administration we protested. They're all still there, of course, as the effect of twelve students handing out leaflets dressed up in strawberry costumes is seldom enough to shut down the entire interstate refrigerated strawberry shipping industry and its reliance on migrant workers. But....we tried.
In other news: is anyone else excited to see Phat Girlz? Mr. Cupcakes has given me a flat no on that one. He offered a more uncertain no on She's the Man though. Yeeesssss! A no is just a yes, upside-down!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Don't call it a sundae, Tomkat!
Sometimes it just seems like a crazy, dream, you know? Like maybe there is no Miracle Baby of Accelerated Love. Maybe there is only a beach ball.