Thursday, April 13, 2006


Girl Chips

Because I fell asleep after dinner (it happens), I woke some time later to find that the channel had been changed to Cartoon Network by my beloved domestic partner. I have never watched Cartoon Network before but I can't believe it took me this long. The commercials are amazing! I had no idea such products existed.

Did you all know about the baby bottle candy toy that you suck, and then take the nipple part off and dip it in the sprinkles inside the bottle? It is quite literally one of the most foul displays of human behavior I have ever seen, and I have watched Pink Flamingos. All the way through. I would have provided a link but I know there is no way to google the key words related to this product without finding something utterly unsavory, so use your noggins!

And did you know that if you buy a box of Frosted Flakes, you can get a "Footy Buddy"? I had to confirm this name on the Frosted Flakes website, but 'tis true. Be sure to check out the "Tigers" song (main theme: "We are tigers, mighty mighty tigers." Rawr.). I think a "Footy Buddy" is identical to a hacky sack, but it has a flag, and therefore gets nation-state points. Advantage: Footy Buddy.

And best of all, did you know there is a company called "Girl Tech"? Ladies, I think our problems are solved. I got really excited when I saw their Password Journal, which only opens with a special secret word that only you and your Password Journal share. This is a definite advantage over my top secret journal of 4th grade, which was a three subject notebook with a long strand of yarn tied to the spiral binding. Only I knew the special way I wrapped the yarn around the notebook so NOBODY could see my opinions on the human condition. Even then I loved yarn! But had I the Password Journal, I would have been assured of ultimate privacy.

Oh yeah, and I love the product which the website modestly describes as "Friendship Chips," but are clearly described by the extra yucky name "Girl Chips" in the commercial. It's like passing notes, except you write them on a little machine and then pass the Girl Chip discs to your friends. Seems...complicated. But kids today! They're so smart.

However, the very best product wasn't even advertised: the Password Journal Jam 'n Shred Pen. You guys: it freaking shreds paper. The pen shreds paper! The paper can't be much bigger than a post-it but still! Records management in action!

Some little future corporate archivist is very happy right now.

Did you notice the Jam n Shred pen also has an FM tuner? Wha-huh? So you can rock out, write notes, and then shred 'em? Kids these days.
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