Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Susie Cupcakes Reviews: ANTM, Cycle 7

A "David" in the comments has asked me to weigh in on America's Next Top Model, Cycle 7. And I am more than happy to oblige. Your comments make the difference, people!

Well, it was a slow start. I miss the olden days when thy bitch would pour beer in thou's weave. Everyone's so seeeeerious now. Which is only understandable if your mother died in a plane crash, perishing while huddled around you trying to provide warmth for your survival. Then I'm all for serious on ANTM. If your big problem is blue contact lenses, move along.

But the last few weeks have renewed my faith. The show is insane, with challenges that are totally, totally made up. Remember when Tyra used to say that every challenge was based on a real modeling situation? Sorry, but putting a battery powered fan in someone's hair or an elephant trunk on someone's face is not based on a real situation. It's based on Tyra's fever dreams of what she would like to do to Naomi Campbell. Yet I love that they are making this stuff up. I love that they have to walk on a floating, tipsy runway.

Also, I love CariDee:
She's so fantastic in every picture. Also she's from Fargo and has psoriasis. I smell a winner! (If she did win, that would give North Dakota two America's Next Top Models. Is it possible that 29% of America's most beautiful, photogenic girls live in North Dakota? I vote yes. It's all the wheat.)

CariDee totally reminds me of someone....

Ah yes, Yvette from greatestmovieofalltime Clue! This morning as I was eating my Wheaties (North Dakota), I started thinking about who I would cast in a remake of Clue. One of my favorite games is recasting old movies. (By the by: when I say "games," I mean "time-killers.") And CariDee would make such a great Yvette. Can't you just hear her say "But I am scared!" in a whimpering French accent?

Let's do some more!

Oooh, Mrs. White, the divine Madeleine Kahn. This one's easy.

A.J., the gothy cannibal girl. For duh!

How about Mrs. Peacock?

Brooke's got the role! She comes with the headwear already installed.

Miss Scarlett's kind of a tough one.

I was going to say Anchal, because she's definitely ready to step into Miss Scarlett's strapless gown, but...

Come on. Miss J is the clear choice.

And who will play the Butler who moves the players like so many pawns?

This movie would be so good!

I LOVE that movie!!! And with a complete ANTM cast? You have outdone yourself!!!

Oh - this could totally be your calling (um, if archives didn't exist) . . . More recasts, please!
Wow...a FAB-U-LOUS recap/recast. I am so happy that there are other intelligent people out there watching ANTM. Whenever someone discovers it on our DVR, I get the, "You watch THAT?" response. Why is it a "Cycle" anyway? Sounds like a woman thing.
Fabuloso! It is definitely the wheat.

PS: I've never seen Clue. Please don't throw a candlestick at me.
i sense a future photo shoot! you know they look to bloggers for their ideas. when tyra's fevered dreams don't provide inspiration, i mean.
umm... can you believe Brooke was eliminated on GRADUATION NIGHT. i totally had her to win since the grand prize is a Seventeen photoshoot. now i think it'll be Caridee.
Colleen Camp in a French maid's outfit.... What is it about those outfits that just ... well, never mind.

Anyway, did you know that in Clue Mr. Boddy is played by Lee Ving, frontman for one of the best 80s punk bands, FEAR? 'Tis true!
You called this one! I want to hear your take on BNTM!
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