Friday, November 07, 2008


November 7

I feel like I'm getting just a touch of the baby fever these days. My sister has a little one a-cookin' and due to pop next may, and several (nay, many) of my friends have had babies in the past year, and they are adorable. Really gorgeous. Part of this is due to my "really gorgeous friends" policy, but it's also because babies eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! They are cute!

From everything I've read, a lady's ability to have children declines rapidly past the age of, like, 17, but I am still not sure this is the time to take that leap. Having a baby is serious business. You cannot feed it tater tots and veggie corn dogs for dinner, as I feed myself. You cannot give it wine, nor can you give yourself wine when there is massive baby laundry to do. Babies like to wake up every hour or so for the first year or five. I like to sleep. I was on a plane with a baby who pooped soon after take-off and it was nauseating. Poop just ain't cute. Yet I scoop litter boxes all the time, and it's totally worth it. It is.

How do you know when to have a wee one? Is it when you start putting someone else's baby as your computer desktop background? (Hi Stella, cutie-pie who doesn't belong to me!) Is it when you have enough money? (Because I might never have enough money. The history biz is never going to be super lucrative, unless I write a best-selling biography of Ben Franklin or something.) Is it when you think your partner would be a good parent? (Because Alex would be awesome. I'm the one who would be less awesome.) Or does it just happen a bit by accident, or a bit not?

Parents, inform me. Non-parents, what are you thinking? Parents to be, fill in the blanks!

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it's a myth that you can be "ready" to have a baby (maybe it's possible to be ready financially, but if i had waited for that, i'd be adopting at age 60). there's no way to adequately prepare for it, so my philosophy is, dive into it! it's the hardest, most challenging, stinkiest, most exhausting thing you'll ever do. but it is also SUBLIME. my life without my kids=i can't even imagine. they are the best people i've ever known. yeah, just keep looking at those pictures of stella, and when you're visiting, smell her head. that'll put you over the top.
Hey, I am typing this with Stella sitting in my lap (she likes to watch TVs and doesn't know the difference yet between computer screens and TVs)! I agree with my big sister that having a baby is not something you can decide rationally. What made me REALLY excited while waiting for Stella to arrive was realizing I would have the opportunity to do so many things over again like learn about dinosaurs, visit waterfalls in Washington and Oregon, build sand castles, etc, etc. Poop, sickness, sleeplessness, and crying is all part of the experience but it doesn't take very many smiles from Stella to counter all those negatives. Hey, you didn't mention the best part--making knitwear for small people is easier and faster! Stella says haraaaarraagh *drool* orroalainna! Oh, and there will be times for feeding your child veggie corn dogs and tater tots and drinking wine while you do laundry. I also want to say that I think you would be a great mom--I don't have any doubts about that!
I just want to emphasize that wine is VERY MUCH compatible with doing baby laundry. Compatible? Nay, necessary.

I have to agree with the previous commenter about the dinosaurs and the knitting projects. Also you should know that the waking every hour thing is over (generally) by like 3 months.

I'd post an adorable pic here of Elliot to put my persuasion over the top but the comment function doesn't allow images so you'll just have to imagine it.

Bring on the Petit(e) Cupcakes!
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