Monday, January 12, 2009


Subzero Hero

I was in the drug store this morning picking up a prescription and saw this in the 75% off Christmas junk aisle.

I have to admit that I glanced at it while walking out and had to turn and go back and look more closely. It is a little plastic toy that comes with "cola and butterscotch" jelly beans--but don't worry, any "standard size jelly bean" will do. And you were wondering what to do with that stash of fecal-colored jelly beans!

I love that he is called "The Sub-Zero Poopin' Hero."

I love that he is called a "Poo-lar Bear."

And I really love step 3 in the directions:
3. Shake the bear gently to settle the sweets.

I found myself repeating the phrase (in my head, not during library meetings or anything) over and over. It's written in dactylic verse (DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da) and it reminds me of another lovely and severely creepy phrase a that a French student teacher used in class to demonstrate the present progressive form of a verb. She said, and I quote,

"Papa is coming to punish the child."

I can't even remember if this happened in my sister's class or in mine, but it immediately became one of the most commonly used phrases in our lives. Your parents get mad at you? Papa is coming to punish the child. You fail a pop quiz? Papa is coming to punish the child. You get annoyed with someone's gum smacking? Papa is coming to punish the child. It's brilliant because the speaker can shift from Papa to child depending on the situation. It's also deeply disturbing and redolent of Victorian novels with harsh "masters" and orphan children.

So there you have my two favorite dactyl verses.
Papa is coming to punish the child! Shake the bear gently to settle the sweets!

I'm fine, why do you ask?

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Wee! Blog more. I like that the bear's tummy needs a-settling before he has his poo.

And also: Mme. Woooster was the scariest. I think in the scenario where one can choose to be papa or the child...Mme. Wooster was always papa.
I hope you bought the bear so that you can settle the sweets anytime you feel like it. I think that would be a grand addition to Alex's collection!
Please tell me you had to look up "dactylic verse." Please? (And thank you for the explanation for those of us who otherwise would have had no clue.)

"Settling the sweets" just may have to become a new euphemism... Lovely.
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